Reminiscence

When I think of moving, I think of starting a new “life” with new beginnings that don’t have a date of expiration.  I think of an open road that has many unnamed side streets - all waiting to be traveled on.  I see an open field with countless amounts of obstacles that I am able to choose from. But most importantly, I see a mini rear view mirror ahead of me, which allows me to gaze into my past.  By looking back on where I have been and done, I am able to see where I want to go, what memories I want to hold onto, what little nothings I want to remember. 

From being a person who couldn’t imagine living anywhere but the state I grew up in, I have completely altered my ways of thinking and therefore, living.   

A quote by T.S. Eliot sums up my way of thinking: “The journey not the arrival matters”

Touché - Everyone is so focused on the end result nowadays, that the journey is hardly a matter of importance.  But how are we to appreciate the final ending when we have no recollection of how we got there?  Can the grand finale be truly appreciated when the journey itself seems as if it was a far and distant idea and not an actual experience?  I have come to appreciate all the little things in life that are quick to be ignored – I relish in small details so that they can be a permanent dweller in my memories.  I don’t take dramatic situations to heart because in the end, they are not life or death, but merely good stories to tell during a dull tête-à-tête.

And each time I have experienced a major move in my life, I re-evaluate myself to make sure my beliefs are still intact.  I get excited about new experiences all while quietly missing old habits and places.   And yet, the more I move around, the more knowledge I gain, the more respect I have towards change.

 It is quite common for one to thoroughly miss the place that they have known for most of their life – actually, it is a surprise when someone doesn’t miss their hometown at some point or another.  But after a week, a month, or even a year, your new place of living is still just that – new. It is a place for you to explore in every possible way. It’s a new place to call “home away from home” which eventually shortens to just “home”. 

For example – after 19 years of constant sunny, beach living I jumped at the idea of change. Without any second thoughts or delays, my life was packed away into 2 suitcases and made their way to the Midwest in the middle of November.  Each day there was so new and exciting; each funny street name or turn continued to spark my curiosity to get lost in cities that should have come with a warning sign. Days turned into months that were accompanied with distinct seasons.

I was mystified by winter – how could something so beautiful cause so much anger in individuals? Never having lived in snow for months on end, I became a child in a snowsuit making my first snowman and snow angel and having my very first snow ball fight at age 19.   Not soon enough came spring – striking, colorful flowers popping up above melting snow; a magnificent sight – new life emerging after countless freezing nights and blizzards.  Right around the corner was summer – hot, sticky, heavy summer, not something I was quite used to.  Lots of nights spent outside, gazing at the stars usually hidden behind blankets of clouds. Lazy days spent at the lake – warm, diminutive waves slapping our legs as we balance our way trying to walk the rocky lake bottom.  And just as promised, beautiful fall arrives bringing cooler weather and gorgeous multicolored foliage, while somehow promoting a sense of longing to be in another person’s arm.  Daily walks often included jumping on neighbor’s leaf piles just to hear the soothing crunch underneath my feet.   The crisp air often brought on burst of energy that led two adults to run around like children, playing a more grownup version of tag, ending with a quick kiss on the cheek and a sincere smile.

And yet during all these experiences, one cannot help to reminisce about their own childhood; how completely different yet ultimately the same it was compared to those of children living in other states.  While busy building my very first snowman, I cannot help to remember that just a few years back I was surfing days before Christmas or wearing shorts around New Years, watering my favorite tree.  Although my new Midwestern home brought me joy, I found myself wanting warm weather and close access to an ocean. 

Let’s fast forward 3 years – newly married, new apartment, two new kittens to add to our new mini family. My husband receives a job offer.  We’re both ecstatic – but there is something weird going on inside me – I find myself NOT wanting to move. After a few years of Midwestern living, I have come to call it home and have accepted all of its ups and downs.  I realize that although my husband has lived there his entire life and wants to experience new options, I have settled down and am saddened to say goodbye to my trustworthy, family-like co-workers.  How strange that I, someone that is usually up for new things, am slightly hesitant to saying YES to a new offer?

Moving on two weeks later, we are on our way to begin our life in the desert.  Literally. Again – new experiences, new challenges, new hopes and dreams and wants all to begin after a short 26 hour non-stop road trip.  It is during this car ride that I begin to understand T.S. Eliot’s logic - “The journey not the arrival matters”. It doesn’t matter where we end up in life, as long as the journey that we take to get there is worth its while.  It doesn’t matter where we end up living, what matters should be how we make the most of our time there. 

After a mere 4 months of living in a new state, I sometimes find myself reminiscing about  my short time in the Midwest, because after being away you realize how much of an impact the little things made on your life.  It is just now that I realize why we hold on so dearly to old memories, to old habits, to old ways of thinking. Perhaps it is human nature, or the lack of confidence, but to some degree, we are all afraid of change whether big or small.  But as soon as we take that leap, we begin to trust our own instincts and our desire to learn and hunger to experience begins to multiply.  It’s time to start enjoying ourselves and appreciating those around us so that we may take pleasure in whatever journey life will take us on, without worrying too much on where we will all end up.